It is said that only people who are petty, or selfish or pessimistic would envy other people. Maybe it is true. As you all know, I have been waiting for weeks so that I would get a buddy in the GA programme. Well, what do you know, a month after the deadline, someone has come in. Now I should be glad that I will not be all alone for the 2 year programme. That I have someone that I can share experiences with and rotate around departments with. But then again, maybe not. I have been told that there are going to be potentially 5 of us and I would still be the youngest. In a way, that is a consolation. It helps me to stand out and be different. Because this new guy, MrYheng, is not only 6 foot 1, he is built, fair, and has a face that could be mistaken for a big cute white rabbit. Not only that, I consoled myself yesterday by thinking he was a bit blur, waltzing into the office to do some paperwork in bermudas, and not knowing the way around the city. Imagine my shock and shame, when a 20 minute talk with him, left me knowing that he was completely out of my league. He is extremely mature, knows more about banking stuff than I do, has 1 year's worth of working experience, knows what he wants, willing to move around to get it and is also very intelligent. He mixes around very well and is already on close terms to the people in Global Markets which apparently is THE place to be.... for shooting stars and high fliers..What is worse, is that he studied engineering...not anything to do with commerce...I want to sink into a hole ! Sometimes life can be so unfair. I am now REDUCED to telling myself, that maybe he cannot sing..

But maybe this is my inspiration. To do the best that I can do, instead of comparing myself. As SailorCyit did say, it is not really a competition. However, I believe one is very naive to think that working is not a competition. It is. Really. You never know that you have lost out on a promotion just because someone was more vociferous in voicing out their opinions or achievements. You never know if you lost a chance to go overseas because the right people did not know about your needs, wants and dreams. You just never know. And tonight, watching the GM people having some fun upstairs at Carnegies, I knew I would not be able to connect closely with them.

Maybe it is the fact that I feel that some of their activities are downright childish, offensive and crude. But maybe I am just a snob, and everyone knows a snob has got to earn the right. Where I am now, I am a junior, I have no experience, no knowledge and no achievement. I have NO right to be arrogant and think that these activities are beneath me. But they are. But I have to be the first to claim that I am not a snob. Well maybe sometimes.

The lesson that I have learnt today is to NEVER EVER judge a book by its cover. That nice furry rabbit turned out to be a potential ruthless wolf in white skin. I hope we get on better in the future than tonight. Though I doubt it.

But someone who gives advice must know how to follow it as well. I told someone that they were special and they just needed to find their own path. I should be aware of that. I have told many people that, and I still have my own personal experiences where self confidence really makes a difference. I also told someone that people judge you by YOUR achievements. I guess that is true as well. I need to be more optimistic, and think about ways to improve myself instead of just envying people for their talent, looks, luck, capability and ability.

Sometimes I wish people envied me for something. Lol.

More gym. More focus on my work. More studying.

I think I really need a break. It has been almost 5 months.

Hurry up and come home, KeeBear and DanBear !

And meanwhile congrats to XXBear and RoxBear for starting work this week !!! Yippee !!

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