Feeling very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very bleah argghhh bleurghhh uggg.

Even though everyone knows that the higher your expectations, the more you will get disappointed, but what is life and ambitions and dreams without expectations ?

Maybe it would be a good decision to go to Vietnam...........

Update : Do you believe in fate ? Sometimes I do. Heart of Greed episode 14. I suppose it was the perfect time to watch this episode....there must have been something which caused me to wait for so long before watching this series....and then so long after I got the DVD before I start watching it.....and then that there was a glitch in the DVD so I stopped watching for a while.....and then a few days later was told of a place to watch it.....and then had to study so that I could not watch it right away....that I had the perfect time to watch this episode......

So ~terrible~... I suppose this word has sort of become a habit.....

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OMG Spoke too soon.

It was one crazy night.

And suddenly everything came tumbling down......

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Yay..I am sooo happy !! I managed to get Thursday off and then Friday it is Independence Day for Malaysia, so I have a 4 day weekend !! Yippe.. After a couple of weeks of work, this is a good break.

Phew.. ! Well the last few weeks were busy, but really I had a lot of fun at work also...

Unfortunately also there were some bad news. I have or will be now spending about 6000 on exams which my stingy manager refuses to pay for. Sigh, so all the effort about thinking of various ways is a waste of time. Also this puts a big dent in my budget !! How to save money like that !??

The only good thing is that it will motivate me to study more since I have to pay for it myself....

Sigh...

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Feeling a bit bleah. And a little argghhh. Lots of bleurghhh though. Also some Uggg thrown in.

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OMG ! Where did the time go !

While I am very glad that it is Friday, I am not amused by how the week just flew by. Did nil studying. Spent a lot of money. Probably ate too much, slept too little.

Crazy week.

But next week it shall be different.

Hoping for more normal hours.

Went for a Carlsberg party on Tuesday at the brewery. It was cool. Never drank so much beer in one sitting before. Was fun too. Everyone I knew who went was a GA and met a couple more friends there too !

Most of the other days just included a lot of work, not very interesting.

Glad the weekend is here (Again) so that can finally do some studying and besides, there is that new massage place to look forward to.

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Ah, life is peaceful again.

After I got my results yesterday morning, the whole day passed by in some sort of hazy happy dream. Hehe. Work all went smoothly and lunch was fun. Karaoke from 6 - 10. Amazing.

Slept around midnight. Ah, finally 8 hours of sleep.

Peaceful sleep.

Woke up, studied till 12. Ah. Finished week's quota. Have a day and a half to advance on for next week's quota of studying.

Party tonight.

Life is good...................................................

WAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA

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Step 1 - Wake up, bleary eyed, and try to reach around for that damned alarm clock. Go back to sleep.

Step 2 - Wake up in a rush, realise am 20 minutes late, and rush around the room and toilet, pulling off clothes, gelling hair..etc.etc...

Step 3 - Rush down for the apple, check internet for news of the bloody CFA results.

Step 4 - Realise am late and will get caught in the traffic jam. Rush off to work.

Step 5 - Read all the news, Malaysia, Australia, USA, HK. Check for news of bloody CFA results.

Step 6 - Sing a little song to self to keep from going insane.

Step 7 - Slogslogslogslogslogslogslogslogslog...get called for meetings. Prepare slides. Print. Walk to printer room and back. Drink some water. Repeat step 7 about 4 times.

Step 8 - Lunch.

Step 9 - Repeat Step 7 for the next 6 hours.

Step 10 - Check for news of bloody CFA results.

Step 11 - Pack up and prepare to rush home to study.

Step 12 - Dinner + Shower + Nod off on the toilet.

Step 13 - Wake up suddenly and realise its almost 10.

Step 14 - Surf facebook and check for news of bloody CFA results.

Step 15 - Study bloody FRM until fall asleep on the book.

Step 16 - Pick self up and go to bed.

Step 17 - Start reading fiction book in bed. Yawn.

Step 18 - Realise it is way past midnight and will be bleary eyed tomorrow.

Step 19 - Switch off lights. Sleep. Yawn.

Step 20 - Realise that a freaking alarm clock is going off somewhere in the world.

20 steps to living your life to the fullest......

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Phew. Finally had some sleep. And good sleep.

Wednesday after work went bowling with colleagues. Fun and relaxing. For once. And then went to watch Transformers with SailorJow. Not bad. But definitely not as fantastic la. 6 stars out of 10? I am not really an action fan I guess ? Lots of nice graphics. But...cheesy. Cheesy....

Thursday = work. Oh and attended a meeting at 9.30 pm. Woah.....

Friday = work. Lunch with CEO. Karaoke for dinner. (What I usually do on Fridays..) Hahahaha......

Saturday. SLEEP !! and nearly overslept for meeting with SueBear and MichyBear and TTCBear for breakfast of pancakes at PHOP. Yum. Yum. Replenished my hair gel supply and slept some more. Then opened my package of books for FRM and STARTED STUDYING. I have 13 weeks to finish everything. OMG. Quite stressed when think about it like that..

But....everything must be done. Some sacrifice must be made on behalf of self improvement right ?

Need to sleep soon....

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I have just paid for my FRM exam and books. And now I have officially no savings for this year. Zero. Nil. Nada.

And I have still have 5 months to go. Which are all budgeted to be negative months. This does not even include my planning to go to Melbourne. With fares around 3.5k and spending money there...it will be like spending another 6000......sigh. And what about all the secret hopes of going to Hong Kong end of this year.....

I have become broke. So broke it is not funny. So broke, I am broken into a million pieces. Die. Die. Die.

I have become those people who cannot survive on their pay alone, and look forward to the next payday and bonus day. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................................................

Die.

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Today has not been a good day. In fact it has been quite a bad day.

Do you know why ?

I woke up really early today because I had to rush to work. The durian party the night before was very tiring, and it was just as tiring to lug all the stuff up to the 16th floor. It was a good thing my smile convinced a security guard to help me move the stuff into the lift. And it was a fantastic thing that someone helped me open the door. It still took me all of 20 minutes.

Work was both tiring and boring. I guess many people feel the same sometimes so will not elaborate much here.

And then I checked my ranking. You know, sometimes high expectations will lead you into the Slough of Despond. I got 11th. Again. I was not happy. Why ?

1. Highest average was 85. My average was 82. You must be kidding me.
2. Another question correct on ANY test...and my average would have been 83.
3. Super low score, below average for CREDIT. I must say, I believe that would be my strong subject. But you know what, they made it into a group presentation. I HATE group presentation. I hate incompetent Group members. I HATE group presentations. Can I say it enough !?
4. Relatively low scores for last 2 exams. Too eager to get out. My own fault there.
5. People who tell me I am sure to get Top 5 piss me off. You think it is so easy ? No it is not. As if I did not have to work for these things. And when I do not get it.....arghh.
6. Pissed off at the Credit Trainer who gave me such low marks and yet another trainer gives marks as high as 97 to other teams. Life is shit.

Well that was real shitty.

Lunch was Nando's. I hate that place. Shopping for cheap makeup for performance tonight did not improve my mood.

Last minute work when I am rushing does not improve my mood. Neither does the fact that my carpool left without me and we get stuck in a traffic jam in the poring rain. Nor does the fact that my judgement about a person is said to be wrong. Hmph.

Lousy preparations, lousy place, lousy MC, lousy food, lousy drinks, lousy rain, lousy parking. My mood is not good. Arrogant people....arghh. Trust me I have so many stories to tell about everything...but what is the point ?

After the dance, which did not improve my mood. I did not find it funny at all. There was a time maybe when I would have found it funny. But now ..... I do not know.

Then I broke Iceman's Ice Cube. Not funny. But you know what. It is my fault and I will pay for it. That is fair. If my friend broke my toy, I would want a new one too. ASAP. I blame only myself and my rotten luck for that. But that could well be my trip to Melbourne. Urgh. And the funny thing is, it is near this time that I thought maybe, just maybe I could spend some money on myself and buy some shirts, or replacements for my cracked spectacles/4.5 year old phone. Life is shit.

Oh. And the exam I am hoping to take. Another 3 grand there. Life is funny. It expects me to have 3 grand everywhere.

On the way home, just praying I do not get into an accident. Ambulance on one road. Jam. Further down, roadworks. Jam. 30 minutes later, accident with a car flipped on its back. Jam. And in front a bit, traffic light spoil. Jam. JAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAM.

Finally am back home. You know, in the car on the way home, I cried. Frustration man. OKLAR THAT IS MORE DRAMA THAN IT SEEMS. More like my eyes are so tired, they watered.

But at these times I miss you. I miss you sitting in the car next to me. Even when you were sleeping when we were coming back to the city. Or when we went out to buy dessert. Or just talking about anything and everything. Or when you were holding the wheel and I was petrified in the passenger side.

Sometimes when I am in the hotel, I hear you talking somewhere. But when I turn around, it is not you.....

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Driving home from work today, saw a couple run across the street. They were probably in their forties and Japansese. Holding hands and giggling as they ran across the no crossing sign.

They must really be in love.

Speaking to a friend, his face lit up in a very obvious way talking about his current girlfriend.

He thinks he is in love.

I look at my bed and the pillows. I collapse in exhaustion.

I know I am in love with my bed.

Though, what is love ? It used to be something that meant very much. So much that people did not want/dare to say it out, for fear of repercussions. Now.....people use it every day. On everyone.

Cheapened ?

Maybe.

Or maybe it is just possible to love a lot of things/people at once.

I know it is possible.

I love you.

And you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you.

Wahahahaha.

Forgive me. This happens when I am exhausted after a hard day's work. A hard day's work and NOT appreciated.

Hmph.

I know who I do not love.

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