Phew what a very very tiring day.
First there was an early start to the day and then helped FredBear clean his windows. The air was cold and the water colder but it all got cleaned anyway finally. Later, OrangeBear came over and we went to the gym for the next three hours. We rowed, ran, cycled, swam, lifted weights...did almost everything...PHEW

Stopped by some Japanese for lunch,..and then watched Team America, or tried to. Both of us fell asleep.

Late FredBear picked us up to have dinner with his sister and JessiBear at QV. Tomorrow is back to work at IH but at least is looking forward to footy on Sunday and maybe even tomorrow night...Yay !!

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Well officially even the holidays have started. At the moment I am staying at FredBear's place at Docklands. Fun I guess. But I am also doing some work back at IH. So therefore this morning, I walked all the way to Bourke and Elizabeth from his place. Well, I did not have to but I thought Oh what the hell might as well walk the rest of the way. Anyway, did some compulsory self help..not hard but not easy either hehe....and the footballers (juniors) were around taking their photos so it was pretty funny as well.

After that I bought some food and then back to Docklands via OrangeBear. It is weird how OrangeBear has no name. Maybe I should change it to SoBear hahaha. It just kinda stuck. With NiqBear blogging about a hundred times a day...I thought I should be blogging too..well after dinner and some chinese serials, we got bored and played some cards and about 2 minutes of monopolyuy. Now we are just watching Lleyton Hewitt play tennis. Holidays can be so boring sometimes.

But it can be fun and busy too. Like tomorrow. SoBear and I both applied for a walker job. Basically you walk down the street putting leaflets into postboxes. Should be fun. Yea anyway he still needs a TFN which he just is not sure if he still has that yet. So tomorrow includes getting that number and basically changing phones...I might be getting vodaphone...hehe...and maybe even going for the job itself tomorrow. Exciting.

Oh did I mention I went for breakfast with SueBear. It was at Illy courtesy of SoBear's recommendation. I have been there before but not for breakfast. It was fun, yummy and free. She paid. Come on, it is the twenty first century.

At the moment I am eating a lot of veges. It is good for you I guess. Keeps you full and then you will not eat so much later or of any other unhealthy thing. Have kept self from eating chocolate and drinking coke so far. Will do better in order to attain Johnny's proportions. (Only SZBear will understand that.)

Going to watch footy this weekend yay !! Interesting. Wow...a wonderful h0liday without travel is shaping up....and it will not cost a lot too.

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Wow.....exams are over again...and I move yet closer to the point of working ...hmph...

Well well well.....not too bad...couple of days ago went to Chapel Street for steak with Orangebear. The funny thing was we parked way before Jam Factory..which is like the main big mall on the street and walked about 10 blocks down in search of food. Obviously by the time we decided on a restaurant we were pretty hungry. Luckily the steak was soooooo goood....a bit rare ...but decidedly interestingly delicious. From young I used to have steak well done...but as I grow on in years...have been experimenting with food...and rarer steak is much juicier and yum.

And then I think two days ago..had dinner with SharBear who was leaving the next day..at this Japanese restaurant Meshiya..at QV. By this time it might the fact that I have visited so many Japanese restaurants, or that I have become more critical. I was not impressed by the place. The food was only so-so and the prices were a little higher that they should be. So, once was enough in a lifetime for me.The plus side was it was the first place in Melbourne with decent okonomiyaki. Yum.

And yesterday night was the cocktail party for ChingyBear's 22nd birthday. It was fun. We had a whole bunch of spirits and mixers and juices and sodas. Armed with two books on various cocktail recipes, we experimented a lot. And obviously had a lot to drink too. I find myself more likely to get drawn to red or reddish type of cocktails. Blue is a turnoff and fruit is a plus as well.
Lychee Martini was a favourite with me and I also enjoyed some mixture of red fruits and liquers that was churned out. Tomato juice was another new sensation. Yum.

Oh anyway I was just reading through some articles and they had this boyband with a list of 30 attributes. It was pretty fun reading and I thought I would make one up myself.

Here goes.

1 Always very energetic and smiles all the time
2 Looks perfect in a t-shirt and jeans
3 Loves to eat and enjoys all food
4 Always keep promises and is punctual
5 Won't talk about self all the time
6 Neat handwriting and tidy person
7 Very nice and has a bigger heart than me!
8 Disciplined but likely to go crazy sometimes
9 Always able to communicate no matter what happens
10 Understand my weak points...
11 Nice to other people including my friends and family
12 Love to go to the karaoke together and sing the heart out
13 One track love....love me and noone else
14 Always curious in new things and would like to try everything
15 Keep yourself looking good and fresh without too much effort
16 Loves kids and wants to have some of your own
17 Plays some kind of sports and loves the outdoors
18 Enjoys music, singing and dancing
19 Have your own opinions about things and can make decisions
20 Will not spend too much money but once in a while will splurge
21 Likes to make other people around you happy
22 Fashionable but able to make individual statement
23 Enjoys just sitting and looking at the stars
24 Able to massage at all the right points
25 Able to go to a party and not follow me all the time can make new friends
26 Complains only for five minutes
27 Kind, Gentle, Loving and Understanding
28 Practical and is able to do things and errand by yourself
29 Will ask for help if needed and not keep things and secrets to yourself
30 Loves animals

If only checked 1-9, you need to try harder?
If only marked 10-17..can be friends
If only ticked 18-25..potential girlfriend
Over 25.. we can get married!

It is funny but also true. :)

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In response to some of the remarks I have been getting from friends recently, yes Love is In the Air. That is great is it not ? And I am not just talking about boy-girl love...love can be found in so many different ways..check out the Lucien blog link...great story.

This is also the last weekend of the semester. Already one of my three apartment mates have left for Beijing (home). How time does fly...with two and a half years of uni life already gone, sometimes you wonder if you have achieved much in those 30 months. I thought about it for a while. Yea, sure, I did not find it as easy as I expected, did not keep up the good grades I have been getting since forever...even failed a subject so far. However the more I thought about it...the more I loved myself...for I really found out who I was ... People say university life can be the most liberating time for a person because you find out who you really are. I absolutely agree.
Thinking about the fun times that I have had, the great times that I have enjoyed, the friends that I have made...the great food I have tasted, the culture that I have experienced and the knowledge that I have gained....priceless...Maybe some people still think that I did not achieve much at uni, personally I think I did a lot.

Some things I think that I really discovered about myself and life during university...

1. Can actually be interested in sports..and going to a sports stadium .....!!
2. Need human company. Phobia : Being alone.
3. Love hugging people and somehow, people love hugging me. Serious !
4. May try to follow fashion trends but still work hard for individualism.
5. Love birthdays. And holidays. And festivals.
6. Philosophy : Keep everyone happy. But if all else fails..strike with a vengeance.
7. Smiles work like magic..but maybe just for me..
8. Australian/foreign families are very much like my own.
9. Contrary to belief, white people aren't all that bad and make great friends too.
10. Have discovered that I actually start to value EQ more than IQ now.
11. Still take pride in having high IQ though.
12. Very very undisciplined.
13. Love trying out new foods and restaurants. And immersing self in culture.
14. Likes mind games, is a busybody and matchmaker.
15. There is nothing like staying in college during university years.
16. Everyone loves cute things. So try to stay cute.
17. Be very open-minded about stuff. Try everything once. I mean it.
18. Diplomacy and manipulation are important in everyday life.
19. Best friends will always be there. Watch out for those who will not.
20. I love my life now. And my family and my friends.... :)

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I am typing this latest post on a laptop under SherBear's table. It is an interesting view of both her and FBear's feet. Very interesting things can happen between 2 people's feet. Also it gives a sense of me not being around so the people upstairs have had quite an interesting chat.

Am I a chronic matchmaker ? I think I am. But I guess that goes hand in hand with being very busybody and meddlesome which I must admit to. I am just saying this because I seem to have a very bad habit of trying to pair everyone up. I must stop.

Dota. Have been on a year's hiatus and the feeling of wanting to play is still there. However, being in the New Building has limited me at least to only playing with the New dwellers. I have not done that as these are all professionals who spend a lot of time playing. For a beginner like me who only played since I came to IH, this is too hard. Hopefully, next semester, I shall be able to play.

Have I told everyone yet that I played Aussie Rules Football ? Representing my college ? No ? Well, after knowing about the game for so long, it seemed that the only normal progression would be to play it. And play it I did. And in fact, I find that you cannot really know a game until you play it. Because there are so many little things that happen in the middle of the game that you would not know about. A little encouragement here, a little advice there, a shout out in the middle of the game. All very interesting. Very happy to have known and played the game. Very much thanks to OrangeBear.

Desperate Housewives. Definitely something that has been going around for a while now. I must say that it is very refreshing. Most clever as well. Wonder what's going to happen next. Am currently deciding between flying or taking a bus to Mildura. It all depends on whether there are any cheap tickets. Cross your fingers.

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Who am I to say that sometimes I am too busy to do something or talk to someone or to plan something ? Sometimes I look at how the people around me multitask away at a million plans and I feel inferior..but recently I found that I am very happy with how I am now. Looking into people's lives and knowing all the dark secrets behind happy faces and bright smiles...sometimes make you wonder just how secretive life is and how one can ever get into the essence of someone eles - a friend, a family member, knowing everything about them....I think it is impossible.. Who would ever want to give up personal secrets or destroy public perception of themselves ?

I would not. That said, I am also facing a little crisis. Feeling. And emotion. Have I lost my ability to really feel and have emotions? I find myself unable to feel anything beyond a brief moment of grief or sadness for things that have happened. I find myself unable to be very happy about happy things. I have not got angry with anyone and had a public outburst for almost ten years. What is holding my emotions back. Truth be told, I have often pretended grief, bliss, love, or joy at seeing something/someone but many times I know it is because it is what I wanted someone else to see. I wanted someone else to think I was happy or sad or excited.

There is just this perverse side of me that I know and am actually fearing to say this out..but tonight is just a night when words come flowing out. I like the feeling of power and control. And somehow, I have just gotten the taste of how having real emotions and feelings can be a sign of weakness. That being said, one should always be able to manipulate emotions of oneself as well as others in a bid to wrest power. Body language, words, actions are all part of an arsenal of very potent weapons.

At the same time I am afraid. What am I turning into ? And then again....am I blogging about this just to gain attention? I myself cannot say for certain. Blame it on my very fickle self...as can be seen from my various obsessive collections, compulsive yet anal organisation of collections...as well as the constant yearning and longing for something more.

Over the years, sometimes I discover little happinesses. Like singing a song, cleaning the dishes, having a fun activity with someone else...But nothing has been able to stop the itching within my soul to go out and do something. I whine all the time about graduating and the scariness of change as well as the leaving of friends and mates in Melbourne, but at the same time am full of excitedness of being in the marketplace and finding out what I can do..and what I can be...how ruthless I want to be in my climb up the social ladder. Find out how much am I willing to go for success or popularity, fame and fortune. It is scary yes. But also to myself. I hope that maybe I shall find hope or a sense of rest soon. For as we all know, we may be a predator, powerful and disdainful of many....but at the same time yearning just for the simple life as well. And at the same time, knowing that it is impossible as we are always looking behind us...for the younger predators looking to take over our spots, for the backstabbing colleagues and so called friends...it is a tiring life..yes...but I sincerely want to be in it and see how far I can go.

You might call me taking this for granted, that I will always fall back on close friends and family. But then again....I have confidence in my family and friendships.

Amazingly long for a post. Very weird. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that my typing is particularly fast today. Or maybe I have just enjoyed watching Mr and Mrs Smith...one of the best movies I have seen for a while. (I fantasise too much about being a spy and guns). Or maybe the fact that I have been unable to sleep for a long while. Staying up doing revision and yet at the same time feeling the full frustration that one cannot get the same grades or adoration as one would get in high school.

I whine and whine and whine. I do. I long for the closeness with God..that I know LucBear has. But what am I willing to give up ? I long for fame and fortune at a young age..that many have. Am I ready and prepared to give up dearer things ? I want love and togetherness. But am I ready for a permanent binding of wings...being free..? What is freedom ?

What do I want? What am I ready to give up?

I need to learn to be happy.

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It is very weird but I am very uncomfortable talking about things that I have put up on my blog. So if anyone reads my blog...please do not bring any issues up with me to my face. Anything to say ? Put it in the chatbox or something....

Watched the Wedding Date today...Good Story..Bad Movie..Wonderful Music...Home by Michael Buble...is a dream and a joy to listen to. Sigh...

Google is wonderful and invasive at the same time. Got the idea about googling about friends' names from another friends..and have spent some time looking up certain people. It is amazing how much dirt you can dish up....from rumours to past mentions on blogs....to current happenings to emails.....it is amazing what the internet can show the public about your past... !
Am very much enlightened as well about some events that happened in high school as well...Guess what ? Found some old blog entries dating back to 2000....regarding people I know.... how akward (right ? wrong ?) sigh..

Time flies and it is near the end of the semester. Very glad to be back in touch with YeeBear after a while. She seems much different now...and very fun :) great ! RyaBear on the other hand is all distracted...and well not communicative.....Still get on fabulously with NickyBear.... :)
All said and done..while I would love to stay longer in Melbourne ( I should have done a double degree with Arts or Law) it is tremendously exciting to be moving on with life and meeting up with friends who have or have not changed for the past 3 years. Knowing everyone would have different university friends...have become attached or at least have personality changes...not to mention physical changes....growing old most of all....as the class of 2001 will all be aged 21...this year 2005...

Many dreams still remain...unchanged since childhood....like castles in the air.....grand plans of stardom, fame and fortune....but also the smaller things...like being able to have a nice career, a fun future...as well....

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