Today I had quite a bit of fun.

Had a wonderful salmon steak at Port Melbourne. So delicious that I have to go again in two weeks when my parents are here. It is to die for. Then took some more photos. Well I mean FredBear took some more photos of me for me. The first roll taken on Monday did not come out too well. There were a few great ones, but the majority were a bit blur.

Then had dinner with PatBear, KimBear, SherBear, Fredbear, XXBear, KaiBear and JinBear at La Porchetta. Have not been there all year ! Forgot how cheap and yummy it is ! Then later we all took a long walk through Vic Mart where there is the Night Market happening. I guess it is a bit like pasar malam as there were food, rubbish on sale and the smell which sticks to your body.

Then later watched a bit of Arthur...and was so bored I wanted to die.

Liverpool soccer match. Hopes Carragher gets injured, Gerrard gets red-carded and Hyppia scores 10 goals !

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Right now is Tuesday afternoon.

In the past 48 hours I have

- trudged through 5 hours of makeup aisles looking for the right stuff for my sisters..never knew makeup costs so much and that there were so many types...
- bought a pair of jeans and a new blue shirt which matches my new tie for myself
- looked at a lot of underwear and still have nto decided which to switch to
- learnt 1 guitar chord
- played some smash brothers with KaiBear
- watched American Pie
- let FredBear take a whole roll of photos of myself including wet shots..too bad they did not come out too well
- had sushi and nasi lemak for the last two lunches
- had noodles and vegetarian udon for the last two dinners
- read a whole lot of information on Standard Chartered Bank
- finally had a good night's sleep (getting used to sleeping alone in a double bed)
- sent ParkyBear off to the train station and having the train arrive almost 45 minutes late
- had 0 cigarettes, 1 drink, 4 tubs of yoghurt, 6 urges to have a hair cut, 20 considerations of wearing white undies, 48 thoughts of going to the gym, 514 intentions of doing laundry, 2832 memories while sorting through stuff to be thrown out.

Whoever said that holidays were fun.....?

Feel like going down to Docklands Park again..just because I want to go on the turning thing again.

This is what a fortune telling machine said to me.

Machine : You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.


Hmph

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Insomnia = Unable to sleep + puffy eyes !

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That is it. Them lousy freshers have all gone.

After the exam on Thursday, had a little pack of my room and had to deal with the question of what I was going to do with the rest of the day. DOTA was the theme of the whole afternoon. Later went with IzyBear to KimBear's 21st birthday party at the Carlton Yacht Club at Lygon. Was fun to meet and catch up with old friends. Blue Hawaiian is just as nice as I remembered it. A trip back home in DaveBear's car later, I found myself back in my apartment. What next ? Well, while I packed and cleaned, JoeBear and DanBear accompanied by KYBear were doing their centurion in the lounge. Lots of laughter and fun. In fact, amazingly KYBear had an equivalent of 140 shots I think !!

Friday saw MKBear leave. Although promised to show IzyBear some of Melbourne, was too lazy and overslept till about two in the evening. At least had the initiative to go out after that. After we did some admin stuff in uni, was quite undecided about where to go. In the end, went down to Docklands and New Quay. Went around the Docklands Park where there was a playground as well as art sculptures to admire. Played around on the playground equipment, had a conversation on centrifugal force and life, lost a whole bunch of documents to the wind and basically had lots of fun in the sun. Dropped by New Quay later for a spot of tea of fish and chips where we bumped into RoxBear and KenBear. Found out Karaoke was postponed to Saturday and also saw the famous Sea Shepherd boat which terrorises whaling ships at the port.

Later, had dinner with Harvard to celebrate his 22nd birthday at the wonderful YingThai 2. Food was as amazing as before but then later, had to move all the stuff to Greycourt where I now lived. As some other people were slow in packing up, ended up unpacking again in Greycourt where it is homey just after 2 hours of moving in. I am a genius with unpacking now !
Had a really early morning snack of Pumpkin Risotto and some Carbonara. Slept till eleven. Then it was time for DanBear, AarBear, IzyBear and a whole host of others to leave. Fifteen of them left and it took 45 minutes from the start to the end of the farewell process.

It was sad. But I could not linger long.

Had to make my karaoke date at 2 and only got there in time. But they opened late and there was a short line anyway. Found out that IzyBear's plane was delayed (Haha) and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant at Melbourne Central. Food was good (Vegetarian Udon) and had a nice healthy walk up Swanston with KYBear, RoxBear, JinBear and SharBear to Seasons. Halfway there we bumped into WoobyBear, PatBear and KimBear moving WoobyBear's stuff to Europa and had a nice look at the apartments there before spending 90 minutes unpacking JinBear's apartment. Had some mahjong and finally left at around one to HarvBear's place. Watched some anime and then came back to my room to check the soccer scores. I am not doing so well. :(

But yeah. The greycourt room is big and high. But most of all I feel the loneliness. People have left for home. I have 23 days left in Melbourne ! But even now I am not sure if that is a happy ! or a sad !. Time will tell. Life goes on does it not ?

Vegetarian food tomorrow and lots of exercise.

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One hour to the last exam in uni. ! Stressed.

This is a very short post.

So I still do not understand. Why would people lie about feeling sad ? Would one not need more support and hugs and love ESPECIALLY during sad times ? I know I would. Even though I love hugs all the time, they are so much more valuable when I get them during the times I need them.

Have you hugged a sad person today ?

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They are almost all gone !!

KeeBear, KenBear and CCBear left today. Another three pieces of the puzzle.

Final Exam tomorrow. I am starting to panic.

Life as I know it, is about to end.

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What a day. I went to the Fiesta celebration along Johnston Street on Sunday. It was basically a celebration of many things Spanish including the many countries in South America. There were many types of exotic food like churros, and cakes, and kebabs as well as some performances of Latin dances and songs.

I went with JinBear, KimBear, SoBear and RaeBear. First though we had lunch at Joe's Garage, a nice little restaurant, apparently famous for pork ribs with fries. I had the Grilled Chicken Salad though along with a fruit juice mix which came looking like a huge glass of processed grass. It tasted fine however. My salad was good not great. But it was a good lesson in self control.

I have KeeBear and MKBear staying over at the apartment now so it is not so lonely and quiet. I have also had the luxury of a bolster. (LOL) It helps me sleep better at night. VERY EFFECTIVE.

I have finished studying for my last exam on Thursday but will need to attend a review lecture tomorrow as well as pick up my assignment. Scary thought. University will be over in a few days. Also, worse, is the fact that everyone will be gone !!

Troubled times have happened between the next Student Club and House Administration though. I will need to draft a letter to give a little help to them, if it helps at all. I hope it does !

My room is almost packed up now. Most things have gone home. I am left with 10 pairs of shoes, a couple of toys, a stack of documents, and clothes. The posters are off the walls, the lanterns are off the fire alarms, the toilets is cleaned. It seems like it is returning to nature.
So weird.

Yumcha lunch tomorrow with another batch of freshers about to go home and then a little box searching.

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For the longest time, I thought myself to be stronger than most. I refuse to tear, was proud of my arguments, and never let the opposition wear me down.

Because is it not the strongest person also the one who can show the least emotion ? Is it not a sign of weakness to wear your emotions on your visage ? Due to these beliefs, I was able to gain some notable successes. But was foolishly proud of them.

Today, I am a firm believer and advocate of emotions and feelings. Yes, be cold and calculative by all means, but also know the right time to show your emotions. The general public will never be won over by someone who seems unmoved and untouched by the normal wonders in life. The board will never be happy with a director who is oblivious to human feeling. Now I believe that the strongest person is the one who KNOWS when to let their emotions and feelings show. They know exactly what face to put on and when to put it on. They not only know what is advantageous to them but more importantly know that it takes a very strong and brave person to put their emotions in the public. Because, that is a challenge. Yes, I have feelings and I am not afraid to show it. Yes, I have emotions yet I am still capable of everything.

CKBear and DamBear left today. Not many of the whole group of lousy freshers are left. I was beginning to wonder at the start of the year if I would still find the whole concept of living in a college interesting and fun. Turns out I did. But only because I had a whole lot of little angels to show me how.

I would like to dedicate this post to them. Them who have helped me so much and taught me so much about life this year. I would have been nothing without them. I would also like to record my greatest thanks here to EddieBear, for making the family portrait happen. You are a champion.

Someone told me "People come and go in your life". I wonder, when can we ever forget about the going part ?

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"If you will not allow a sick person even a second's lateness to reach the hospital, why would you allow a lonely person to go unaccompanied for any much longer?"

- Obviously a lonely Anonymous -

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People have left IH already. Some of whom I will probably never see again. That is very sad.
Notable absences tonight include JeanBear, CharBear, EelBear, KennyBear and GraceBear. EricBear has gone too I think. The Apartment is now empty. Well, officially anyway. With the going of SalBear and XXBear, there is now only me in the apartment. The only one good thing about that is that I can start keeping it really clean. The way I dreamed it would be.

But what is warm and friendly and homey about a super clean apartment ?

To have a super clean apartment, you would have to not have much guests, or at least require them to be so proper that they will never ever come again. You would not have pets or any windows open so that no dust can come in. Shoes are banned, blue tack will be rigorously checked for stickiness and the cutlery washed 5 times.

I would rather have people around.

One thing that I discovered today. Sometimes, the human being is not as affected by bad things happening to them. Rather, it is the disappointment of expectation. For example, if someone got a pencil for Christmas, they might be sad. But what if they expected a pencil ? Then they would be reasonably happy. The worst thing is if someone expected an engagement ring, or a car, or an Ipod even.

And instead they got a pencil.

Yup, I am talking about disappointment here. You wonder sometimes, why people get so upset at certain things happening. It is because they had expectations. You expect someone to call you, and they do not. You expect a raise because you were the best worker, and you do not. You expect to get 4 H1s and you do not. You expect it to snow for the first time in 340 years, and it does not. Does that mean we should never have good expectations..? (I almost wrote great expectations but realise it will sound weird. Good expectations still sound weird though.)

Maybe.

The funny and stupid thing about people is that they can be stupid. And expect the same thing even if they have been disappointed once before. Why does one not learn from their experiences ? Why can one not understand that whatever it is will not be happening, that it is a waste of time, money and effort ? Especially after a few times' worth of disappointments !?

Maybe it is because I am stupid.

(This is a rant post...probably cause I feel disappointed.)

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Today is Friday 18th. For many it is also the last night they are staying at IH because the semester is over. It is sad. Very sad. What am I gonna do without all these lousy freshers around ?

:(

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Love is a very sweet thing. Some try for a lifetime to look for it, some find it a moment, others never do.

One wonders sometimes at happy couples who fight. Why? Why are they trying to destroy something so wonderful ? Why do they allow a fit of jealousy, short temperedness or wickedness spoil their little piece of heaven ? And if they do, why have have the relationship at all ?As SoBear once said, it is just the small things, and the big picture is well worth it. So all you happy couples out there, if you think it is really worth it, do not fight. Think of all the happy times, and why you love your other half. Make it up to them and never allow a fight to last a night.

In other worlds, other cultures, other places, it is so much harder to find love. Where religion does not allow, where cultural differences clash, where war occurs, where species differ, where distance is a hindrance, where boredom sets in. It really does make sense, that 'There is no better feeling than to love and be loved'.

After all, do we not all crave that bit of love ? That hug in the morning, a kiss in the afternoon, a snuggle at night ? Things that just seem to make the sun shine brighter, the coffee taste sweeter, the puddles clearer, and the birds happier ? Hey, a whole industry is based just on people's need to love and feel loved. Flowers, chocolates, fine dining, love novels, sad movies, haunting melodies, beds, architecture, jacuzzis...... So treasure love that finds you now...because you never know when it might end...

Have you loved someone today ?

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Whoa.....easiest exam to date....well not that it was easy . Just that it was the easiest. I think I can grow to like Derivatives. Doing the exam this morning was great. I could use my best handwriting, finish in half the time, and knew what the questions wanted except for one. This was almost like how high school was. How I miss those times when tests were real easy to answer and you do it like clockwork. Now, you are extremely lucky if you could get half of them right.

With that, the first wave is past. I need to wait for Real Estate patiently and of course study for it as well. Well there is a problem though. How am I going to entertain myself for the next few days ? Also how in the world am I ever going to be able to bring all my junk back ? Should I pack now ? Should I throw anything away ? Which things are urgent ?

The weather is a bit conky right now. This is because it gets pretty hot sometimes and then again, chilly in the night. I think I am liking chilly better. :)

Passions aflare during the end of the semester. It is quite amazing to note the changes that have shifted the power and friendship groups during the year. What there is now is a big change over what was at the beginning of the year. Amidst rumours of CCYBear and CharBear, there still lies the evergreen unresolved questions on others.

My sleeping habits are still very screwed up and I still find myself sleeping only four to five hours before each exam. And when I do not have exams, I stay up really late to study at a slow pace. But at least things go in.

After the last fling with Malibu and pineapple juice, there is nothing better that lots of milk with Baileys. And ICE COLD.

Should I get a new suit ? What am I going to do tomorrow ? Should I start studying ? What is for lunch ?

Life is full of questions. But sometimes when two eyes meet across the room, they fail to notice that there are other eyes out there watching out, waiting and wondering.

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ALL my emoticons, all 536 of them, collected through careful keeping, asking, and finding have been lost.

One minute they were there and I was using them perfectly and easily with shortcuts like =sad2 and =dog3 and =haha2 and the next they were all gone !!! The only thing left on my shortcut menu was the normal :)

Arghhh :(

So I guess when it comes down to it, one needs to get used to the fact that earthly treasures and possessions do not last forever. And it is much better to collect things which last e.g. friendships, relationships, .....battleships ??

The list is out for apartments next year. I feel a little sad thinking that a new bunch of people will be using the lounge, sleeping in the beds, entertaining guests in the kitchen, .....using the toilet bowl........ :(

Oh well life goes on I suppose and one can think positively of everything that has happened. For example, at least now I have a clean emoticon list. And also, no need to do any washing in the kitchen. Or having to remember to put the seat down after using the toilet to respect the majority gender of the population. And after all it is the beginning of a new chapter of life. Because one should not think of it as the end of today. But rather the beginning of tomorrow.

Oh. I had beef lasagne for dinner.

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This goes out to all students taking Finance 101 tomorrow. Good luck !!!

And for people who are taking the exam like DanBear, PLEASE STUDY AND STOP READING for a day at least.

Finally managed to finish my derivatives but this means I am way behind schedule. I am left with a day and a half to finish off Personal Finance, but that means way a lot of reading in a short time. It also means less sleep. Couple that with a blistering headache, you got a bomb ready to explode. You know what stops the timer ? Hugs. Hehe.

The good thing is. I have not been interested in food. When KaiBear got Wicked Wings....I said NO for the first time in my life. I just looked at it and asked myself...."who is stronger, me or you" and although my heart was screaming out "You!! You!!" my mouth and my brain pushed me in the right direction. I still love you though. (Wicked Wings) Maybe we need some time out to sort out our feelings. And maybe look for a new direction for our relationship.

PratBear left for Fiji. Sad to see him go. Will NEVER see him again !! ?? Probably anyway. So hard. That is the bad thing about making friends from different countries. So hard to keep in touch or meet for that matter.

Cannot wait for the exams to end. Well at least the next two anyway. I need to study so badly !!
Actually will, for now. I plan to go down to the library and do at least 3 hours.

And later, maybe sleep and start work early the next morning.

PS...I got a promise of a new car worth $100,000 from a friend if he is ever worth $10 million.
Yay.

Tip of the Day : An option is always better than no option.

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3 exams to go. Have been thinking about popping down to Adelaide for a few days in December. That's right. I have about three weeks before I go home after my exams to attend my graduation on the 14th of Dec. I arrive in Malaysia on the 20th. I cannot go before December though since I have a job interview on the 3oth of November.

Went for a walk in K-mart today. Just needed a walk so that will not be as tired and sleepy. However, plan was not a success. Slept when I came back until half past nine at night. Was so tired. Now I think I might be a little sick. Tremendous extremely big headache. Not even going near the foosball room because I think the metal '*ting*' will kill my head. Want to sleep and feeling very nauseous some of the time. Lucky was smart enough to get a turkey sandwich home for dinner.

Derivatives is so tricky. It seems so easy. Everything seems so easy. But it is a cheater. It cheats you into thinking that it is really easy but actually they are all tricks.

Got to thinking a little about flirting today. Why is it that people react so differently when they are flirting ? Specifically girls of course. Some giggle so much to the point that they are soooo obnoxious, some just blush and clam up, some take it as a joke, are never serious and say OMG and ignore you. And that is just the reaction. The many types of ways that THEY try to flirt is just as bad !

Have you ever felt sooo weird when you get caught between two people as they flirt. I mean like 'Get a room already' kind of flirting. It just makes you want to bang their heads together. Well, here is a tip. To stop yourself doing that, just walk away. It is bad enough if they just flirt endlessly without any forseeable resolution in sight. It is worse that you perpetually get caught in their dastardly plans. It is like listening to poetry from Vorgons. I just want to stuff my ears shut. Or cover my eyes and say "I'm going blind..my eyes my eyes !!"

Just so I can get away.

This headache is not helping one bit. It is very depressing. And it is cold too. Not cool. COLD. Cold to the point that my fingers freeze as they type things on the keyboard and I make so many mistakes that I have to backspace and type it all over again. It does not help that I was forced to change to IzyBear's old keyboard. It is so soft and senstive I cannot get used to it. But I am too lazy to change my keyboard back.

My exams are on Tuesday and Wednesday. I hate it ! At this point I hate almost anything. Well maybe not a hot bath. Or a piece of ham on toast with cheese. Or a snuggle. Or some depressing music. Or a new suit. (Saw the most wonderful red suit today...it was cool.)

Signing off...

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The freshers came back today claiming that Accounting 1B was hard. I was left wondering, hardly any year says that the accounting paper was easy and yet, very little people fail.

But then again, different ages have different perspectives on life. Like my Corporate Finance exam tomorrow, it seemed so hard at first, but after studying it so much, I have actually run out of things to study and am just waiting for it to be over so that I could start studying for my other exams. By the way, I am still a little scared of the exam and am waiting for the exam to be over before thinking whether to apply for special consideration. I do not know why, but I guess it is sort of like insurance. :"P

I received a letter for my graduation today. I have to notify them if I plan to attend the ceremony or not. Did you know, to rent the gown and the hood will cost me $55 for 4 hours ! Is that a ripoff or what ! And guess what, if you want photos taken, you pay. If you want an extra copy (certified), you pay. If you want to have extra tickets, you pay. It is such a lucrative business.....graduations. They make you pay just so you can take some photos. But maybe my parent will pay for it and I would not have to worry so much about it.

I want to get a little leather dinner jacket. Something that Jeff in Coupling has. Just to wear over a shirt. (Random)

Anyway, the colour for the Commerce faculty is baby blue (YAY) which is a very decent colour compared to pea green or old gold. This means I will be able to wear my new tie which was presented to me by XXBear. It was given as a graduation present although a bit early. PratBear gave me one too. Half a watermelon. It was VERY sweet so thanks a lot !!!!

Now back to studying...so that I may graduate !

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So Stress For Corp Fin Exam ON FRIDAY !!

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Oh my goodness...I had my first exam today....it was not very hard, at least I think it is a guaranteed pass, and at this stage of my course, that is very good already.

The funny thing was, because it was held at the Law Library, I thought I could go a little later. What happened was there was an accident, and then two trams full of people passed by without stopping. I was panicking quite a bit. In the end I arrived at the tram stop at 9 , and had to run to the building and the lift in my sandals. I realise I still cannot run very well with my injured knee. Anyway, made it about two minutes late. I think I have learnt my lesson and will go early for my exams from now on. Hahaha...

People are all quite stressed everywhere now. You do not see many of them for days or even weeks. Some only appear at meal times and others disappear altogether !

Study !! Next exam is on Friday !

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Oh my goodness.... I spent almost the entire day just downloading and watching clips from Malaysian Idol and Youtube.....

DanBear is obviously not too bad...but he looks like he is 15 years old !

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Sometimes I wonder, what it is that I do wrong in this life of mine.

Do I second guess people too many times, always thinking that I know everything, and that certain things should happen a certain way ?

Do I place first impressions so importantly that my opinions and ways of thinking are biased ?

Am I too sensitive to find out that in many...no...in most cases, it is NOT about me ?

Do I have weird sleeping times, always to the point of unhealthiness ?

Have I had too little self discipline ? Not just only in work but other areas as well ?

Do I have no ethics ?

Why do I think that my morals are the way it should be ?

Why am I negative ?

Why do I bend at times to peer pressure ?

What is it that makes me want to have a certain impression on different people ?

Am I hypocritical ?

Why am I proud that I am technologically deficient ?

Am I vain ? (I know the answer to this...)

Do I procrastinate way too much, keeping certain worthless things important and doing them first instead of real things ?

It is really hard to be an adult is it not ?

One wonders if one could really ever hold on to the past. Things ebb and flow. You find out that maybe you are not that important anyway. Out of sight, out of mind. Parties will still go on, exams will still be held, people will still be happy even if you are not there. Since when were you the most important thing to the world, other than to yourself ?

Selfish Selfish Selfish. And Stupid as well.

But.

Sometimes. Sometimes, all you might want is a hug. But you have to tell people because they do not know your need.

But be careful, even if you tell them....you might not get one.

It is a tough world out there baby.

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Anyway, these are some of the backdated photos from the past few posts...above are two from FredBear's birthday party. They are what the party was about, friends, food and cocktails.

On the right, is a photo of a lecturer's name I found particularly funny. I hope you find it funny too.


On the left is a photo taken late at night at about 2 am. I guess you can tell how tired and red I am.

On the right is a Valedict Night photo of me and IzyBear and underneath is another of myself with pink in the background to set off my hair.


Here is a group photo of me and a couple of people from IH who went with me to Bondi Beach and on the right, is a portrait photo of myself taken by HarvBear. I really love it and hope to have posters made from it.. too bad it is only available in black and white.





Here is me again, as you can see, only seconds after I woke up, I was set upon by paparazzi who took this picture. And on the right is me and the AMP Tower.
Here is another beach photo on Bondi, this time with the entire group of baby fresher bears from IH.




That is me on the Sydney bridge at night time looking very relaxed and there is me again, doing a bend over backwards in honour of the Sydney Harbour bridge with GracBear and JacBear.

And lastly here is me with JeannieBear at an aptly named restaurant.



For the past couple of days have been aimlessly studying but finally got myself following a strict schedule.

It has been relatively successful but have to be careful not to slip up.

Exams are happening next week and it is quite scary. The last day of school was pretty sad as it was not only the last class of the semester but also the last of my course! Boo....Sob.

Been applying for jobs and it is quite a pain as most require a few essays on yourself and I find it very time consuming to write them. But I have to of course, unless some billionaire marries me..and gives me all her money at once..which is just a dream...too much of a dream.

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