It pains me very much to see how some of my friends are suffering. It makes me feel slightly guilty that while I am whining about being stuck on a desert island, they are suffering from worse things.

Take JCBear for example. He has been going through the worst heartache of his life for the last 6 months. Yes, I knew it was present. But I had no idea until 2 days ago that it was a chronic case ! 6 months is very long to be pining over someone and he told me once that he envied me. He said he envied me for having lots of friends while he only had a few close ones. He told me that he was unable to form a lot of relationships and therefore he put all his emotions into this particular relationship. Hence the long mourning period. I must say that I was quite surprised as I hardly thought that he would have these problems. Unfortunately on hindsight, he was exactly the right type. Conventional, artistic soul, shy and reserved. Just the right type to crawl under the sheets after a failed relationship and wanting to go to a country far far away to escape the feelings. I do want to help but is this meddling ? Should I just bring him out for ! some sports/activities to cheer him up ? That would be nice except that I am far away in Labuan. Oh well.

At the same time, I wondered if I envied him. After all, I have always wanted to be able to pour ALL my feelings into one relationship. After all, I find it really hard at the moment to have special feelings for any one person over another. I mean, yes of course I have many friends and yes I am able to prioritise my time spent with them, but I am unable to focus on a certain girl and think that yes, this is someone that I have been waiting and searching for. But of course, maybe the search is still on. And I also envy him that he as a small bunch of very close friends, though I do enjoy what I have right now. It seems that I should review all my friendships and focus on giving breadth to these relationships while not losing track of the width to get as many contacts as possible. The key is to maintain and deepen platinum and potential relationships while keeping up high effort to gain new relationships. Now I sound like a public relations firm. But it really turns out to be quite important as I find that some friends seem to be extra luggage that have been left at the store room and should remain there, while at the same time, I am unearthing precious gems from the mud in my laundry room. The regulars at the lounge are still there, but maybe deserve a rearrangement. And some other randoms are just zipping around, searching for their place within my universe.

Dear JCBear, hope you cheer up soon. As heartbroken as you must be, you have to move past it and not mull over it too much.

I trekked around Labuan again today, and after an hour in the sun, popped into this other really dodgy internet cafe. Seems like 90% of the shops here are billiard joints, pubs/karaoke lounges seafood stalls and convenience stores. So there is really nothing to do here. The cineplex is only showing one movie which is the ultimate stupidity Dragon Tiger Gate so I cannot even waste time watching movies. The only thing I have planned so far is to return to the Disney Channel at 6.30 for the Suite Life of Zack and Cody and then High School Musical again. Boredom. I suppose I could always study more...

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