I really do not intent to let this be a weekly event, so I do need to find time to post here more often. With most other pages left along, they seem extremely desolate, and I would be hanged if I do abandon this place, as I really love it here. I have taken to reading some of my older entries, and nostalgia abounds. I think everyone who enjoys delving back into the past needs one form or another of reminders from the past, and blogging is a fantastic way, very much like writing a diary.

Even if my weeks now are filled with work, and I just get the weekends to myself, I still have loads to say to myself in the future. I just want to tell myself (the one in the future) that I am extremely glad to have a job that I love, and one that I love to go to every day, even though it means 12 hour days. In recent days, I have taken over the local currency book and also am in charge of setting rates for the entire bank. Whether someone is quietly supervising me or not, I still feel that with great power comes great responsibility. And taking on more responsibility will lead to one getting or feeling older. No longer can one be as reckless or lackadaisical as before. It really is time to grow up.

With all this new responsibility, it comes at a cost. The cost of time for myself, family, friends, social life, or learning. I do not really have as much time for myself. I used to read a lot more and plan and dream and have more thoughts. I realised that today, as I spent a couple of hours finishing "The Other Boleyn Girl". A great book. Got me going back into old English history which still fascinates me. But the best part, was just sitting down and reading a book. Comfortably. I promise to spend more time like this. Family and friends. Obviously work has taken me far away from both family and friends, which is unfortunate. Nevertheless, life is a journey and while there are a million memories which we carry with us, there are billions more to be made. I both envy and pity those who stay in one place, comfortable, with day to day life as they are used to, but unable to appreciate the width and breadth and depth of the world. Sacrifice is a word tossed around usually, but to me, it is a matter of understanding what you need and want in your lifetime. I am still finding that out for myself. Social life. Went to a club on Friday night and partied till past 3 am. Walking home in the cool weather with lingering cigarette and alcohol smells on my jacket made me reminisce about winter nights spent in Chapel Street clubs and the fun times that ended earlier and earlier as I got older. Late nights spent bobbing around to loud music with the sole aim of getting pissed is no longer and probably never was interesting to me now. I so much more appreciate the gathering of friends, sometimes just to be.

Ah life.

With GAIst and GANay visiting this weekend, it made me slighly wishing for the good old times of 2006. Where fresh faced into the workplace, everything was an adventure, and it was easy to give 200% at your job everyday. For a moment, watching the lights show at the harbour, eating goose at Sham Tseng, travelling to the Peak, there were times where I wished that we could turn back time. Until I realised that in 2006, I was wishing for the good old times of 2003, my first year at university. And it just goes on. Until we can fully appreciate the here and now, we will never be truly happy. I am learning. Learning to let go of the past, and understand that it has passed, and that is why it is called the past. Learning that I am extremely fortunate to still remember why I want to turn back time, and that I would have wanted to relive the life that I had because then it would mean that I had a good time. Learning that perhaps I should spend more effort making the present a great time to be in, as I would need to look back upon this time in the future and wish that I could turn back time to Christmas 2008.

But I am fortunate. Ah, even as I jot my thoughts down here, I think, perhaps this is all just a dream and I might wake up one day. But while I am still living the dream, happiness, is something that I can make, and control. And I will be happy.

Time to grow up.

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