Ok, this is really weird, I do not often post so many times in a short period of time, but I guess I have soooooo much to talk about and not enought outlet. I forsee this to be another mega post.

Issue 1
I think I am not ready to leave my department at all !!! I will miss the people there so much !!! And also the work. Just when I think I have come to understand more deeply the intricacies of the work, they switch my departments ! I miss the people and the work. Also I will be missing out on all the fun and good times that will be held. Since my current floor has the most number of young people/happening people, things always happen ! Shucks. But..what can I do about this issue ? Nothing. So I will dwell on it too much.

Issue 2
Melbourne nostalgia. It seems as if it is still clinging to me like an ominous monster, never going away. It was just so much fun. And is still fun, when I hang out with DanBear, RaeBear and SharBear. And even today, at the bak kut teh and later at the coffeeshop, just talking about everything and nothing at the same time with EddiBear, AarBear, KeeBear and PatBear. It was just soo..........Nice. And I keep wanting to go back, and yet part of me is holding back, telling me that I was growing up and cannot keep looking to the past. It is very frustrating. Part of me is telling me to fly around, while I am still young and learn as much as I can. And part of me tells me that I just cannot unnecessarily waste money just to fly to Melbourne for 2 weeks because that would cost me about 6 months' savings. That I should just let bygones be bygones and grow up. But it is so hard. See, KeeBear, there ARE harder things in life than worries in college. Bleh. Like even at this current moment, SherBear and I are talking about life, comparing jobs and life in IH. I think this is an issue that will haunt me forever. Or at least a long time. Like another 10 years. Maybe 5.

Issue 3
Relationships. I think I might have got myself figured out. Talking with SherBear and NiqBear about relationships just now got me talking and I realised that I could write a book ! I was told to love without expecting else I would suffer. But I said that loving without getting anything back is ALSO suffering !!!!!! Yea, I suffer a lot. Because I overanalyse what people think and what people say. And so I was saying that maybe loving/getting into a relationship is a little like an investment. All the time/effort/money put into it. And relationships have a higher internal rate of return than just friendships. And so sometimes, it is just harder to invest in one when you know that you have to get something back. NiqBear says one has to just give without expecting, then there will be no disappointments. That giving smiles around will not cost anything so in a way it is like a very small investment. That is a problem though because I am looking for a big investment. I want to invest some heart, not just smiles. And there seems that there is no place to put it yet. SherBear was shocked when I told her that I was also sick and bored of being single and that I want someone to love and hug but not ALL the time. Sort of like buying a teddy bear but cannot be bothered to wash it, or buy clothes for it, or do not want to bring it along everywhere. She told me I sounded like FredBear. Maybe, but do not all guys think like that sometimes ? This is very much in line with my philosophy that certain things should be able to be switched off. Like nagging parents, irritating friends, and bothersome people. But I guess in real life, it would just be impossible and selfish to want the good without the bad. This is obviously a very big issue at the moment. So I want/need someone but am not sure if I can put enough back to maintain/upkeep the relationship. Like I am not sure if I can meet the monthly instalments on a new purchase. I am not really being desperate here, but put in context, I have become rather lonely since leaving Melbourne (refer Issue 1) so maybe this is why it has surfaced. OK it is being pretty crazy so I will stop this issue right here.

I know people complain about how some blogs are just full of themselves, but I differ. It is a place where I need to rant. I need to tell something and I need to speak out. And anyway, if you do not want to, I am not forcing you to read. But I think I am an emotion-whore. I eat up emotions. And outpout emotions as waste as well. Ew. Will not think about that. I should stop before sounding like a male version of Bridget Jones. Who DID get laid now and then even......

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