Ok, this is really weird, I do not often post so many times in a short period of time, but I guess I have soooooo much to talk about and not enought outlet. I forsee this to be another mega post.

Issue 1
I think I am not ready to leave my department at all !!! I will miss the people there so much !!! And also the work. Just when I think I have come to understand more deeply the intricacies of the work, they switch my departments ! I miss the people and the work. Also I will be missing out on all the fun and good times that will be held. Since my current floor has the most number of young people/happening people, things always happen ! Shucks. But..what can I do about this issue ? Nothing. So I will dwell on it too much.

Issue 2
Melbourne nostalgia. It seems as if it is still clinging to me like an ominous monster, never going away. It was just so much fun. And is still fun, when I hang out with DanBear, RaeBear and SharBear. And even today, at the bak kut teh and later at the coffeeshop, just talking about everything and nothing at the same time with EddiBear, AarBear, KeeBear and PatBear. It was just soo..........Nice. And I keep wanting to go back, and yet part of me is holding back, telling me that I was growing up and cannot keep looking to the past. It is very frustrating. Part of me is telling me to fly around, while I am still young and learn as much as I can. And part of me tells me that I just cannot unnecessarily waste money just to fly to Melbourne for 2 weeks because that would cost me about 6 months' savings. That I should just let bygones be bygones and grow up. But it is so hard. See, KeeBear, there ARE harder things in life than worries in college. Bleh. Like even at this current moment, SherBear and I are talking about life, comparing jobs and life in IH. I think this is an issue that will haunt me forever. Or at least a long time. Like another 10 years. Maybe 5.

Issue 3
Relationships. I think I might have got myself figured out. Talking with SherBear and NiqBear about relationships just now got me talking and I realised that I could write a book ! I was told to love without expecting else I would suffer. But I said that loving without getting anything back is ALSO suffering !!!!!! Yea, I suffer a lot. Because I overanalyse what people think and what people say. And so I was saying that maybe loving/getting into a relationship is a little like an investment. All the time/effort/money put into it. And relationships have a higher internal rate of return than just friendships. And so sometimes, it is just harder to invest in one when you know that you have to get something back. NiqBear says one has to just give without expecting, then there will be no disappointments. That giving smiles around will not cost anything so in a way it is like a very small investment. That is a problem though because I am looking for a big investment. I want to invest some heart, not just smiles. And there seems that there is no place to put it yet. SherBear was shocked when I told her that I was also sick and bored of being single and that I want someone to love and hug but not ALL the time. Sort of like buying a teddy bear but cannot be bothered to wash it, or buy clothes for it, or do not want to bring it along everywhere. She told me I sounded like FredBear. Maybe, but do not all guys think like that sometimes ? This is very much in line with my philosophy that certain things should be able to be switched off. Like nagging parents, irritating friends, and bothersome people. But I guess in real life, it would just be impossible and selfish to want the good without the bad. This is obviously a very big issue at the moment. So I want/need someone but am not sure if I can put enough back to maintain/upkeep the relationship. Like I am not sure if I can meet the monthly instalments on a new purchase. I am not really being desperate here, but put in context, I have become rather lonely since leaving Melbourne (refer Issue 1) so maybe this is why it has surfaced. OK it is being pretty crazy so I will stop this issue right here.

I know people complain about how some blogs are just full of themselves, but I differ. It is a place where I need to rant. I need to tell something and I need to speak out. And anyway, if you do not want to, I am not forcing you to read. But I think I am an emotion-whore. I eat up emotions. And outpout emotions as waste as well. Ew. Will not think about that. I should stop before sounding like a male version of Bridget Jones. Who DID get laid now and then even......

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Who says life cannot be fun ? On Wednesday, RaeBear and SharBear came up to KL to have Japanese buffet at this new place called Shin-NiChi. It was bad. I am never going back there again. Not because the food was alright, but because you could pay 10 dollars more and get better food. The choice was good but as I mentioned earlier, no uniqueness.

Then yesterday night, after I watched Superman (which was sucky, but I watched it since tickets were free courtesy of department head) and dinner of assam laksa at Times Square, I met up with DanBear, SharBear and RaeBear. Oh but special mention goes out to some of the Sub Clothes that I tried on before the movie. They were pretty nice, but I am not sure I want them yet. I can always get them later since it is so near. Anyway, we were supposed to go to Luna Bar, which was a poolside bar but apparently was told we could not get any good seats. So I picked them up and we ended up at this place called Bangkok Jazz at Chulan Square. Not a bad place. Very comfortable for a group of friends to get some cocktails, watch TV and chat. We were there for about two hours. I had my Malibu and they had their jug of drink. It was very fun and relaxed and inhibitions were loosened. Later when they were all red and spouting giggles and nonsense, I drove to Jalan Alor for supper. We had some seafood, squid, lots of drinks and some satay. A lot of food ! But between DanBear and RaeBear they managed to polish everything off with some help from myself.

That night we discussed a pretty diverse range of topics, ranging from Singaporean girls, to softness of hands, to bitchiness, to kids, a trip, Melbourne, football, and at one point we were quizzing DanBear. See, since he was slowly getting accepted by the Group it just felt right that we had to get him to be closer to us, or rather those that were still in Melbourne. So I suggested that he follow them around more, so that he can enjoy the bits of Melbourne that I so loved and would not have enjoyed if I had just remained within the city. These were all the cozy little bars, the nice suburban restaurants and vacation spots. So obviously he had to be able to click with everyone there. So I can see that he was already close to JinBear, DinoBear and KaiBear. He also told us that he was definitely willing for the relationship with NiqBear and the rest to be closer. Which was good ! So NiqBear and anyone else should try to be friendly and maybe assimilate him within the group ?

It was a good time. It was one of the most relaxing nights that I have had since I started working. Then we decided to go to Port Dickson for a beach holiday for a night on Sunday night. Since DanBear was not able to join, PeterBear was coming along. As an emotional friend of SharBear, I guess we should get to know him better too. So, I am looking forward to it.

Now, I am off to Klang to have some bak kut teh with KeeBear, PatBear and EddiBear. Yum.

Winter holidays can be fun even if you are not studying any more. Wish NiqBear/SoBear/FredBear/JinBear and the rest could have come along.

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Well today I got confirmed at my workplace. Meaning, now I have to give 3 months' notice if I want to quit instead of 24 hours. But at the same time, they have to give me 3 months' notice if they want to fire me as well. Joy. Well, not really, since there is no increment along with this confirmation.

At the same time, I am moving up 2 floors to a new department starting from July 16th. From Sales to Credit Risk Control. Good news is, it will be more relaxing and interesting as processes have always interested me. On the other hand, it is an uproot, and I will be away from all the Sailors as well as young people. I will also miss all the offsites to be held in August though I will be asking to be included. Sigh. Must look on the bright side. Sales has been a wonderful experience and you find that it is not just about looking cute and selling. Lots of technicalities and operating issues abound ! So there. A new department could really spice up the life of my jobself. At the same time, the new GAs would be arriving, so some fun there, I hope.

Sleepy and tired.

Sometimes I should just shut my big mouth and maybe unwanted things would not happen to me.

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~She called to talk about another guy~

~She called to ask how to get his number~

~Life goes on~

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Another day, another sunrise, another sunset. It is funny really. I get to the office before the sun rises. And I do not leave until the sun sets. Is this a life ?

But looking at it, I go early to get to the gym, and I stay late to study. So, does that count as investment for the future ? When I can be the smartest male model ever ? Not that it is my plan..... but worth a thought.

Biceps are coming along nicely. Now I just need to get the upper arm/shoulder part done up as well so that you can see where they join. That would be cool. My chest has certainly increased in girth, in a good way, while losing the fat. Tummy is down slightly. LOL. So perasan right ? But I am sincerely proud of what I have achieved in the gym ! I hope it goes on. Improving I mean. My target is to lose about 5 kg by September. By then, I will be buying a new pair of glasses as well, one that is more relevant to my current self. More clothes. Definitely. Not crazily more, but some more.

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How come on TV, it takes less time to look good ?
How come on TV, the right people ALWAYS get together ?
How come on TV, you ALWAYS end up with the one you love ?
How come on TV, it hurts just as much, but you get over it sooner ?
How come on TV, it is easier to blush when someone says you look good ?
How come on TV, you do not find it as hard to get over someone that you should ?

How come ?

Anyway, I find myself really getting irritated by people who like to act Princess nowadays. I know one. It is very surprising. She has a certain naivete that can make her cute and lovable if you do not know her as well. However, she can spoil it all by the way she thinks. I am extremely surprised that she actually believes that her way is right though. For example, expecting all guys to give their girlfriends a credit card to spend. Or guys to pay for everything when they go out together. Not even boyfriends, but any guy. Ridiculous ! How old fashioned is that ? Why should I be spending my money on people, especially when I am trying so hard to save myself, while they are spending every month on bags and clothes that take up all the salary ? Ridiculous. In a way, I am glad that I think this way, so I will not get stuck with a girlfriend like this person. She irritates me, and her name is SailorJow. A good friend, fun and can be funny. But a major turnoff and irritant when she plays princess and expects things from you. A girl you like will make you WANT to spend on her, and not that you HAVE to spend on any girl.

In a way, you wonder where have all the innocent fun times gone, when people were not so materialistic ? When good fun with people you love was at playgrounds at night, or having an ice cream by the beach, or learning how to ice skate or cycle ? Since when did it have to turn to expensive dinners, costly presents and excessive spending ?

Life can sometimes seem so depressing and blue, that you have to look very hard and scrabble underneath all the layers of pretence for some signs that happiness can still exist. Sometimes it is harder to find than diamonds in the mud. Sometimes it is right around the corner. Sometimes, you may not expect it, sometimes, it never comes.

Sometimes you just have to wait. And pray.

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Friday 23rd June.

5.30 - Smash alarm clock. Roll around the bed and try not to wake.
5.45 - Daily morning rituals plus put on bloody contacts. Ow. Too early. Eyes not open yet. Too much light !
6.00 - Computer is on. Bloody internet. Oh, Good for Australia !
6.45 - Stupid car.
7.30 - Where is the Ritz ? Stupid city.
8.15 - This way, porter. Watch those boxes. Yes, up to Carlton 6. No tip for you, you stinking bum.
9.00 - All set up. Tie is straight. Breakfast is served.
9.30 - Good morning, this is your tag, bag and our programme for today. May I suggest you put you things down at a good seat and then join us for breakfast ? X 60
10.00 - Seminars. Yawn. Yawn Yawn Yawn.
11.00 - Tea Break. Pink Guava Juice, Yum. Oops too much = toilet.
11.30 - Yawn Yawn Yawn. Oh, great speech by MsJhen.
12.30 - Ooh, wonderful lunch. Delicate chocolate cups with creme brulee.
2.30 - Yawn. Bloody Box.
3.00 - Bloody Credit Training.
5.00 - They switched off the air conditioners already ? Crazy rain.
7.00 - Lalala. Singing in the office. Change clothes.
8.00 - Still raining. Walked to the Regent hotel for cousin's wedding.
8.10 - GAH !! Have to sit next to a psycho cousin who neither talks or moves. Just breathes heavily and clenches fist. And bets on football on mobile phone. PSYCHO !
8.12 - Lots and lots of small talk with relatives about life. Brainless.
12.00 - Reached home. Interesting morning leading on to a pointless and brainless evening.
12.10 - Phone Call from Melbourne. Highlight of the day. How dare you play Singstar when I can hear it !? Chuckles when finds out that high score has not been beaten. Talks. Falls asleep. Talks. Happy to have the phone call, sad to hear so much fun on the other side.
1.30 - Argh. Cannot take it any more. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Until 1 pm on Saturday.

Life = pointless ? Does not seem to have an aim. Will study instead. CFA CFA....................

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The lyrics to the song to be sung in the tune of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

My job is stupid, My day's a bore,
Inside this office, From 8 to 4.
Nothing ever happens,
My life is pretty blank,
Pretending that I am working,
Pray I don't get canned.

My cubicle, my cubicle,
It's 1 of 62,
It's my small space, In a crowded place,
Just a six by six board booth,
And I hate it, that's the truth.

When I give a sigh, As the boss walks by,
No one ever talks to me, Or looks me in the eye,
And I really should work, But instead I just sit here,
And surf the internet.

And my cubicle, my cubicle,
It doesn't have a view,
It's my small space, In a crowded place,
I sit inside there too,
And sometimes I sit here nude.

LOL. I love it. Absolutely love it.

I was so tired yesterday I fell asleep on the highway and only woke up when the car went into the drain. No kidding. I am very grateful and thankful that I am able to blog this. Yes. Kids, please do not try this at home.

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Yesterday I met up with ColBear and JengBear, two old and lovely and friends from high school. JengBear is 22 today. So we had a mini celebration with a square of brownie. Almond and walnut. Mmm. It was so good just sitting around and having a good conversation with friends, talking about worries, experiences, problems and dreams. We mentioned some goals and some ways to attain them as well. It was extremely satisfying and felt like a story out of one of those Chicken Soup books. One thing I forgot though, Malaysian people do not really hug. I was surprised cause out of habit, I would hug everyone right. But somehow JengBear was quite unresponsive/awkward and it just seemed wrong to hug ColBear after that. And then I got to thinking.

I was not really a hugging person here in the first place. Somehow, somewhere I picked it up from someone. I wonder who. And it just seemed so right in Australia, where you can hug your friends, and in fact it can be seen everywhere ! But not so much in Malaysia. Where people are generally more uptight and severe. It is quite sad that. Some hugs would be nice at the moment. But it was just a continuation of our conversation earlier at Secret Recipe. Because both of them were talking about some other friends who would be doing some Masters overseas and both of them were regretting not going out more during college years, mixing around, getting involved in activities. And they pointed as me as someone who has seen more, done more, and therefore more social... And yet I was quick to point out that this might not be true. It was exactly the people that I thought were more social in high school that I wanted to be like. And then I found out how boring they could be. They were more likely to stay at home and play Warcraft then to discover a new jazz bar, or a cocktail lounge, or visit the new club. They were more likely to miss Chicken Rice then to want to try out Risottos, Crepes and Kebabs. I am so glad I did not really become like them. And became myself instead.

The moral of the story is : Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone. You WILL have fun.

Though I must say I was surprised to hear about relationship problems from them. Shows just how much we have really come from those high school days. But all the best of luck to you guys. You just deserve the best person to love you. Yes you do.

Then today we were discussing the issue of marriage at work. So it was also funny to hear about people's long term plans. Maybe I should start making some of my own.......... Met 2 real Zambians at work today. They were just like any other Africans, and they could have been Kenyans and you would not know. Haha, the best part of it was that they were lost !! Well, they actually missed their flight but it was still funny. Got me thinking back about Zambians issue at IH. Hehe.

Good times.

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All too familiar is the phrase "I know something you do not know".

But warm fuzzy feelings are the focus point of this phrase this time. Sigh, how wonderful it would be if fireworks actually happened on BOTH sides and a happy ending happens ? Hope it happens. Both are wonderful friends.

While waiting for my last episode to download, I wonder if I have told you guys that my blood type is B ? Well I just did. And the first person I told it to actually made a joke about the Korean movie - My Boyfriend is Type B. Pffttt.. How immature...but funny !! After the crazy night on Friday, I actually slept until noon, and again from 2 to 6. What a lot of sleep. And I still feel ready to sleep at any time. It is about midnight on Saturday now, by the way.

Once again, I have been reminded of the trip to Melbourne in Dec 2007. Well, it really is much to early to plan anything other than save money. But if only saving money was a much easier exercise. It just seems so hard to save when there are so many things that you want to spend on. My handphone for one. It has started to switch itself off. At first I thought the battery was weak but when it happened once too many times, I realised that it was slacking ! Should I get a new one ? Tempting....but I need to save too. Just like the plasma television. Should I have gotten one ? Maybe.............. So many things that I want...there you go the key word. Want. I guess I should be saving money for things I need...but....mostly it is things I want.

But I should not be so selfish. Working has taught me many things. And one of them is that you cannot always get what you want. That you should think of others and not be so selfish. That money does not always come easy and that maybe you should think of the future and what you may need. That you have to patient and hardworking and yet know very well that you may not get what you want. That there will always be unfairness in the world. That you should not just complain, but do something. That friends will come and go but you will always need them. That there is nothing like a hug from someone you love and trust. Someone that you can laugh with and joke about. That you never know what tomorrow might bring, and why you should always try to be as happy as you can. Know that your family will always want the best for you, so never ever push them away. Know that your friends will always be part of your happiest memories, so try your best to keep them. And if they ever go, be sad, because it is highly improbable things will ever be the same between you again. And if ever, you manage to find a friend who will hug back, and laugh back, and remember you, you should know that you have been greatly blessed. Because you should know that friends are the family that you can choose. Love. And if you are loved, know that you are already among the happiest in the world.

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I had a really crazy day yesterday.

After attending a 90 minute meeting and then just some normal work, SailorKuang and I went for Karaoke. We were supposed to be there only for an hour but ended up staying for 90 minutes. When we realised that it was raining, we bought an umbrella, only to find that it had stopped when we walked out of the building. However, when we reached the office it started raining torrentially again. So we bought an umbrella for nothing. The rain must be laughing at us.

Then I went to donate blood. The whole process only took me 30 minutes. I think I must be like a blood bag myself. Because when they poked the needle into me, the blood literally gushed out, like drain water. My bag filled up so fast the nurse was surprised and I did not even have to massage the little pipe which gets your blood flowing. Obviously this is a problem, as it did not even stop flowing later. Hmph. So I had to lie there for a while. Whoa. Imagine myself as a blood bag. Anyway, I found out that I am Type B. Finally...I know my blood type. So it was sort of like going to get a blood test for free. Plus you get food and free facilities at some government hospitals too. And you get to help people. And you get sympathy from girls and the boss. And you might lose a little weight, as your body has to replenish the blood. Therefore I have concluded that it is a good thing to donate blood.

Later as we were waiting for SailorJeow to come back from Banting to go to Petaling Street for Friday night as it has been a while since I have been there it started raining again. So we decided to go karaoke again. Cost was RM30 each plus RM20 cover charge. Free : Buffet dinner and supper, games and 2 drinks each. Of course since we got some coupons in the afternoon we got SailorJeow in for free and also got 2 extra free drinks. And then the 3 of us went crazy for the next 5 hours. We sang and sang and sang and ate. Did you know that the burgers at Red Box are fantastic ? I ate two !! Then they had a whole variety of dishes and dim sims and cakes and ice creams as well. Drinks were really nice as well. Somehow halfway throughout the night we started to go crazy. It must have been the amount of songs that we sang. Because people were jumping on chairs, singing crazily and even dancing and playing the air guitar. And near the end, we were always saying that it would be the last song, but somehow, mysteriously songs would appear on the screen list.

So total karaoke hours yesterday was about 7 !!! WOOHOO. Most amazing fun that I have had so far this year I must say. The best parts were the singing of live songs, because it felt like you were giving your own concert and there were millions of fans screaming ! Quite an amazing night.

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Driving to work this morning, I was reminded of my first day of school in Year 2. I was 7 and I was walking up the kerb to school. And I fell down, but I did not look back at my mother in the car and just walked on. It was so funny and just a portent of the pride in the boy that was to come.

It is half way to the end of the month. And at the end of this month, it will be halfway through the year. Feels like I have not accomplished much yet, though some people tell me otherwise. Hopefully it means that I actually seem more matured and/or smarter since last time. Time can seem to fly sometimes and yet it can crawl as well. It is extremely strange. And yet, noone will be able to change or influence the way it works. There is a movie coming out soon with Adam Sandler I think called 'Remote' or 'Click' about a guy who has a remote which can stop/rewind/forward life. It is actually a remake as I have seen a movie regarding the same thing when I was about six years old. And since then, of course I have always dreamt about finding this remote. Just think of how USEFUL it could be !??

After I passed my ITSA, I have not really rewarded myself yet. And yet it has always been like that. I cannot think of any rewards that I have procured from passing exams or scoring high in them as well. Sometimes I feel that the feeling of accomplishment is reward enough and indeed it is. But when I hear of some snotty-nosed kid getting a new handphone for getting a B+, I just feel angry. Haha. Not that angry. And after sitting for my CSA, celebration = dinner at KFC. So as you can see, I feel just a little reward-deprived. Although recognition is always good, and I felt it, FELT IT, when SailorJeow told me she overheard MsMoh telling other people that I passed my ITSA in one go. Ah, bliss of recognition. Still, I feel I deserve something more, but maybe I will wait until my CSA results come out.

JinBear is dreading the Central Australia trip. I can understand, I was seriously dreading it too. However, JinBear should not be so worried. I had great fun and I am sure that she will too. Although it has been 3 years since my trip, I understand that it will be exactly the same as when I went, except the price of course. I had a marvellous time, since there were 16 of us that went from IH that time. This time, I feel that it would be great fun as well since so many people from IH are going as well, like CKBear, KaiBear, the Trojans and lots more. So JinBear, I am sure that you will have a great time. Hehe, meanwhile remember what I told you. (I told her that if she wanted, I would go on the trip for her instead, so she can come back to KL while I go to Melbourne to take the trip as a surprise ! On the condition of course that she lets me go for free......hahah. Well think about it, the flight will cost me 3 thousand. The trip another 3 thousand at least. I would be bankrupt.) But I UNDERSTAND, JinBear that you cannot do that. So sad......... :(

Went out with the whole bunch plus more, (it seems like the office circle of friends is growing....) for seafood at Kampung Pandan yesterday night. Wow, deliciously yummy and filling as well as cheap as well. Definitely worth going again. In addition, the fried mushrooms with seafood was darn good !! Yum Yum Yum. Yum. Yum. There, it is worth every Yum. After this weekend, I shall be occupied every weekend until the 15th of July. There are weddings, and big 70 birthdays and Father's Day and my almost birthday and confirmation day and holidays and weekdays ..the list goes on... Sigh so busy, not a minute for myself. How to study ??

Hehe. Exhausted but happy. Sort of. Glad that England will be going to the last 16 in the World Cup. But my stupid fantasy team refreshed itself and so I did not get any points for that game. I have lost about 30 points !?!?! and could have been in front of DamBear. What to do ? Silly me for thinking that I could have had enough time to keep up and play during this time anyway.

Donating blood today. Or rather, I signed up for it. Am checking to see if I am able to eat lunch before donating at 2 pm. I wonder what blood type am I ? Once I know, count on me to check up on all the blood type charts to see what type of person I am and then laugh. Can you imagine that only five people out of 120 on my floor have signed up ? Sigh, people should all donate blood.... ! Hm, wondering if I should eat a big breakfast so that I fast during lunch..... Choices..choices...

Tonight's plan - Petaling Street or Karaoke. Will decide later.

PS, it is only 8 am. What am I doing at the office ?

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Sigh. Exam is over. So STRESSED for it, I have two pimples. Sigh. The worst of sacrificing for exams. Sigh. It was 8 hours long ! Thank goodness I was stuck in a small room with SailorJeow so we could actually secretly discuss it. And make jokes and laugh at other people and tell stories. Which was probably why we did not have as much time as we could have had, since we were practically stoned for about an hour after lunch. Just could not focus after having a super quick lunch of instant noodles. So sad. Hope we pass it all !!!!!!!! Though, I would expect 10. Out of 14 papers that is.

Today was a shock. Got jolted back into normal life after 4 days of abnormality.

Eyes are tired. Sigh, I wish this damn GA programme was starting already, I am tired of being normal. Hehe. I mean, working in a normal environment.

I mean, I am just a bit bored.

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Ah, is it not such a happy feeling ? After watching the Australia vs Japan match yesterday, I could hardly get any sleep !! In fact, when it started, I was not even watching and only learnt about the first Japanese goal from the internet. I took a shower at halftime and was preparing for bed when my conscience pricked me and I went to catch the last half hour. I have never been so glad. The last 10 minutes was absolutely fantastic and it made me miss Melbourne and Australia so…I desperately wanted to be at Federation Square or any other pub, or even just at IH, and hug someone and celebrate. As it was, no one could have understood the jubilation I was in when Australia won. Ah Australia, bloody marvelous. Then as I read all the comments on the comment board on the Age website I could only feel my heart swell with pride and joy. It was almost as good as having a baby ! I am so happy that I cannot really help smiling the whole day. Sigh. So happy.

My happiness was checked though, as I learnt that MrCeong was being naughty. Remember when I went for dinner with SharBear last last weekend ? Well, he told me he saw me last Monday. But who would have guessed that yesterday, while I was on leave at home, that he would announce that he saw me with a girl having dinner ? Him being SailorJoyo’s boss does not help things at all. Worse of all, when I was trying to explain who SharBear was, she told me that I did not have to explain. Despair. Sadness and disappointment.

There you have it. Is it not very weird that a person can have two very conflicting emotions at the same time ? That is me. Moody and emotional. And confused. Happy and sad at the same time. Bah. Stupid me.

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Nightmare : Was in class in high school and we were getting our report cards and everyone was just moving around class as was the norm. Somehow, I failed two subjects out of five, getting a 26 and a 48. This was weird because I never had only 5 subjects in school, only in uni. And the subjects were weird too, it was like Pneumatics something.........which is an engineering subject and everyone knows I cannot understand engineering. Probably dreaming of work because Pneumatics is one of the companies I am working on. Grr. Altogether, a very upsetting dream and though I ended up sleeping 6 hours, feels like almost none and am very tired today.

But still need to study for my exam. Stupid Pauleta to score, stupid Deco to get injured and stupid Ronaldo to get subbed. Stupider me for using them in my team. Sigh, this is one reason I should not play fantasy leagues because I get too passionate and crazy. Not about the sport, but about the game. Shucks. Obsessive-Compulsive behaviour man...........

SailorJoyo just messaged me for answers to a trivia bar quiz. Is it weird that I feel extraordinarily happy ? But maybe the status quo is indeed : Friends. Do I want more ? Can I handle having more ? Does she want more ? Will there be more ? Can there be more ?

I am confused.

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World Cup is everywhere. A bit distracting, but you just have to live with it. Went to Kampachi today, and am extremely bloated to the point of discomfort. If you do not know, Kampachi is just one of the many Japanese buffets around KL. Yea, so dinner was a Tetrapak's worth of chocolate milk.

Need to study...but am not motivated at all...... though I must say I am extremely glad that I will be on leave tomorrow.

Happy Birthday CKBear, too bad I am not there to take part in the festivities !

And this is a very special shoutout to EddiBear to ask him to study IFA !!!!

Shit..should have put Robben as my Captain.....

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Exhaustion would be the right word. After having been at office for four days in a row until past nine, today was the most tiring yet. As the weariness built up during the whole week, the body was already weak. Add to that a full day's work, plus squash plus extra gym, and then meeting SharBear, JessBear and KimBear at SS2 for dinner at 10 pm, and now that it is 2 am, I must say, it has been 21 hours since I woke up.

Exhaustion. Therefore, I declare tomorrow a sleeping holiday - that is, no waking time. Sleep until I wake up by myself. Have taken Monday off, and need to study.

Exhaustion. Meh. World Cup. Meh. Big deal.

Exhaustion, I should sleep soon.

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Third day in a row that I have actually stayed back at the office past 9pm. In fact I think last two days was 10 pm. I think I might go back earlier today, probably at like half past nine. Guess what am I doing ? Studying ! That is right. I have more pressure than ever now, to study to pass the CSA in one go. Everyone has been congratulating me so I feel a bit pressured. Also I must admit I would just love to have the glory of passing in one go. So I must try my best. The way I see it, it is not THAT hard to pass but many people who are working would have had little time to study and/or forgot accounting principles and other stuff like the difference between a partnership and a company. So I have quite a good chance since it seems that even with the new GAs coming in, I will STILL be the youngest. Hehe. From being grandfather at IH to baby at office is a definite change.

Today, had a briefing on new interest options by someone from Singapore. Although she was older, my guess is thirties, she was fantastic. Smart and Pretty, Humorous too.. you cannot get better than that. She was definitely smart, because she could structure all these complicated derivatives for interest rates, and she was defintely cute.....I loved her hair and eyes....she could make jokes in her speech and was altogether a very very interesting person indeed !

I forgot to tell about my experience at KLCC on Sunday. I was attending this book exhibition and was at one stage about 1 metre away from a makeshift stage. Then I realised than Hins Cheung would be performing in 10 minutes. Since I was there, I thought I would wait. In the end, he was a whole hour late ! I actually got tired of waiting and left. He still was not there. Crap. What a waste of a front row seat !! I could have touched him, if I wanted to, or took really good photos. Daniel Lee was also scheduled to perform about an hour later. Shucks. But since I had to go for dinner with SharBear, it was no great loss right !

I cannot wait for the company treasure hunt to start. It is on the 9th of July. There were so many entries that the hotel was overbooked !!! But the best thing is all the sailors are going, though we are all in 3 different cars so it will be great fun. Although there was a teeny bit of trouble in the beginning regarding who was going to sit with who and who was going to sleep with who, it was all sorted in the end, with even MrJoh bunking with me, saving me from having to bunk with a stranger. Phew. Cannot wait !!

Heard the business finance exam was over. I hope it went well. Good luck for IFA or whatever else exam you people are having !! Pray for me too, since I have to sit for an exam where EVERYONE knows what you score ! Stress.... >_<"

Somehow, I am slightly revelling in that fact though. Feels like high school.

2 days to the World Cup. Hope I win the company's internal prediction competition and win myself a four person 2 week stay at a Carribean island. Woohoo !!

Obviously you should be able to feel my adrenaline rush. I typed this post in 2 minutes ! What with staying back late, sleeping late, waking early for the gym and then working a full day before studying again, and all the time having to smile, you would think I was tired. I am. I might be tired, but life is so full of things right now, there is no time to stop and smell the flowers at all.

THIS IS THE RAT RACE....and I want to win. Badly. No matter what the costs. Well, maybe not all the costs.

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I am dead tired today since I slept at 3 am and had to wake up at 6 am for work. And it was a full day's work too. But it was a good day. Slept so late cause I finally met up with SharBear two weeks after she got back from Melbourne. Met at the Curve (my favourite hangout) had Sakae Sushi for dinner (yum) tried on clothes at 3point6 (I could fit !) and watched the Da Vinci Code at the new Cathay Cineplex. Perfect fun, with perfect activities. Even the cinema was cute. They had couple seats which means two seats by themselves with no armrests in between. Very cosy. Like a sofa for two. Only missed out bowling and karaoke otherwise it would be even better. Great to see that SharBear is not much changed, though I must admit I was afraid that everyone would have changed........ She said I changed too. Hmph. Thanks go out to XXBear and HueyBear for the graduation photo and the 2 lovely ties !! They were so great. I feel like buying a shirt just to match the ties now, especially the wonderful green striped shirt in G2000. Ahhhh !! Save me from spending. Last month I practically spent my whole salary. No savings. Shit.

Today was a sleepy day. Felt really sleepy but then got some work to do, since it was the beginning of the month, I had my renewals plus a new account. Had some yummy Subway for lunch and then almost nodded off. But I received my results for my ITSA. At first I thought it was some computer jumble and then I found out that it was my results. I almost screamed.

I got 94, 80, 80, 80, 86. 80 was the passing mark so I barely passed 3 papers. But I still passed everything !! Hooray. Now I do not have to study the material again. And can concentrate on the CFA. That is if I get to pass my CSA in one go too. I hope I can. It is 14 papers after all. Though now that I got my ITSA results, there is quite high expectations for me to get through CSA in one go too. Shucks. Though if I do get through, GLORY !!! Hehe. MrSing also promised to treat me lunch if I did. Guess why ? Only TWO people have passed it in one go GLOBALLY. I want to do it too....

Had dinner at Jalan Alor, a place I did not know existed. Had chicken porridge. A weird choice but I was glad I had it. Miss porridge very much. Then donated 10 bucks to this guy who came up for donation. I might have been cheated but I hope that my generosity will earn me extra brownie points to pass the CSA in one go. Then back to the office to study 3 modules. It is only my second round. 13 modules to go. Maybe, just maybe I can get to squeeze in a third round over the weekend. Thanks SailorJeow for the support...and also to everyone else. I swear, I am SOO lucky to have this whole bunch of Sailors to look after me. It is like my personal bodyguards of older sisters. They take care of everything, social, mental, physical, monetary..... I remember SailorJoyo encouraging me to go out with the BAs in the first week, SailorJeow always spending me food, SailorKuang inspiring me to go gym, SailorRoz helping with work, SailorJap and SailorCY informing me of stuff, SailorCan having fun times and SailorJow entertaining me. Real good bunch of people here :)

I am quite happy now. Friends, family and career going the right way. But of course, many friends are overseas. SharBear told me of the plan to go to Melbourne in Dec 2007. I was hooked. Since many people were gonna graduate then, like KenBear, KanBear, LucBear, RaeBear, maybe JinBear, KaiBear, IzyBear, CCBear, KeeBear, JeanBear, DanBear, AllenBear, DamBear, KennyBear..it is almost like a FIESTA !! So have to start saving money for then...plus people like FredBear, SoBear would be around, since they finished, SherBear and XXBear still working there hopefully. Phwoar like a reunion, as long as SharBear and RoxBear keep up to promises to be there and WoobyBear comes back from the Korean National Service in one piece .....hehe.

See you there guys !!

PS, NiqiiBear, you have not been left out. You are going to graduate this year right ? So obviously you are not on the graduation list. And I thought you would be in Melbourne working on some magazine ! So no issue !
I am extremely sorry that you feel left out though. Lol, I can just imagine you re-reading the post again to hunt for your name to make sure you were not left out :)

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Well it seems funny how it is so hard to get together with friends from school. Of course one must also understand that, it HAS been a few years since we were very close. And since then, roads have diverged widely, and everyone would have a whole new bunch of friends that they would have been very close with, since going to university is a very stressful time and one MUST have friends then. But does it mean that we would be unable to keep the friendship going ?

One of my closest friends from that time will be having his birthday this week. But I have been unable to contact him. Messages have not been replied and I am not sure if he is really as busy as he seems or that maybe time has slowly reduced the closeness of the friendship. I hope not.
Short of calling him, there seems to be no other avenue, but one does not want to seem desperate although thinking it over, what is so desperate about calling friends ? Until you think that maybe this is a message that you were not such a close friend as you first thought. That is, you might think they were close friends but to them you were just an acquaintance ? Hmph. One should really stop watching Sex and The City and try to decode all these mixed messages.
But there you have it. People say guys find it harder to communicate. Maybe.

CSA is coming on the 13th and there are 14 papers but 16 booklets. Have resolved to finish it once by Sunday night and then go through everything once more this week. Am also thinking about getting another credit card. Just for. Also deciding on the Singapore trip. Have paid up for the company's treasure hunt and think I will be taking some days off later this month and next month as well. I need a break sometimes. More karaoke sessions needed too. MrLou is going to Melbourne in August to ski. I would love to do that too, but that will take me ten months to save up for.....

For all you guys in Australia with exams, the best of luck and the highest of grades for you. Hope all you get fantastic results and have a great winter holiday.

Sometimes I wish I could relive my years there but since even KeeBear has realized the impossibility of such a wish..how can I wish for it ? Hm. Time to move on.

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You guys....I had a dream of you. It was such a sweet dream too, about all the things that we used to do together..We had SUCH good times together....it was like a documentary running through my head......

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